Our relationships are one of the most crucial determinants of longevity and health. So while you are out there investing time in, spending money on, every other part of your life, don’t neglect the most significant one. Think about it. Your life is most likely comprised of your career, family/relationship, social life, and interests. I would assume that your partner is one of the most important people in your life, and yet other than spending some time together, how much are you paying attention to your relationship?
We spend months, years sometimes, and thousands of dollars earning a degree for our career, what makes you think relationships are any different? Well, hopefully, they won’t cost you that much money! But my point is that just like we learn how to be better at our jobs, which form a large chunk of our lives, we need to learn how to be better partners so that the remaining parts of our life can be healthy and fulfilling too.
My biggest wish is that more people would build a stronger foundation and address issues sooner so that they prevent them from accumulating and leading to resentment and contempt. You CAN have the relationship you want if you are willing to invest your time and energy in nurturing it. As Benjamin Franklin so wisely said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.
About to get married? Thinking of proposing? Or trying to figure out whether this is the relationship you want to commit to? Get someone to help you find the answer to your questions and guide you through learning how to be the best partner you can be before you take the leap. Whether you want to work through some of your concerns or questions, or simply learn skills together to start your relationship off right, I highly recommend premarital coaching.
Is premarital coaching right for you?
I personally believe that everyone should do some premarital work of some kind. So many of the issues I’ve worked with couples on could have been avoided if they had been equipped with the proper tools early on. Even if you aren’t currently facing any challenges in the relationship, I strongly encourage couples to go through this process to get to know each other more deeply, learn how to keep the romance alive, and develop the strength and ability to overcome anything that comes their way. Think of it as the very important relationship class they never taught you in school!
If you both value your relationship and want to have the best one you can have, then premarital coaching is for you! Even if your partner is not available for the sessions, you can still work with me on your own, and hopefully your partner will either follow after seeing for themselves the positive impact it will have on your relationship, or respond positively to your changes. This is different than marriage coaching as the goal is to take a proactive approach by building a strong base before you commit to each other fully.
Learning the skills for a successful marriage
A happy marriage requires work. The good news is that you can learn the skills necessary to achieve that! I always tell clients that we are not born with these qualities or skills, and it’s not our fault. But we are capable of acquiring them, and it is our responsibility as adults to do the work and strengthen the areas in ourselves that need improvement.
Some of the tools you will be learning with me are healthy communication, active listening, how to speak each other’s love languages, keeping the spark alive, assertiveness, conflict resolution, and relationship maintenance. We will also explore the relationship dynamics and discuss how to maintain a healthy balance of power, individuality, and connectedness.
I like to look at it like taking your car to maintenance every couple of months or so; we will identify the areas that need fine-tuning, and learn the necessary “driving” skills, so that you will come out of this process with the ability to regularly check in on your relationship health and nourish it yourselves.
Making responsible conscious marriage choices
If you noticed a lot of what I’m saying implies that I’m not the one who is going to be doing all the work for you or teaching you magic. Ultimately the goal is for you not to need me anymore, and for you to feel confident enough to be able to deal with whatever comes your way in the future. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever ask for help again, but my point is that one of the main concepts I am trying to push is for people to become self-sufficient, and make more conscious choices, so they can feel more in control and take ownership of their lives.
Don’t you want to feel empowered in your own life and relationship? And don’t you want to be able to trust that you and your partner will be able to overcome anything together? I believe it’s extremely important for individuals to take responsibility for their actions to be able to create the change they want. This isn’t about blaming and expecting your partner to change. This is about both of you being willing to look into yourselves and acknowledge what you could do better. That is how you can be in a deeply connected relationship while maintaining your authentic self.